I really like the plot but the way you've changed Hermiones appearance so radically is jarring. I glossed over the first description okay but the second was too radical. It's as if you've put Hermiones name on an OC. I don't mind nose rings, bandannas, and makeup, I even understand that this is a fanfiction and we bend rules ect. but characterization is one of those things that really effects the story. I need to believe that Hermione is still the character I fell in love with if she is to look so different I need a reason as to why and then there still needs to be her core personality within the changes.
I truly hope that you don't take these criticisms harshly because I feel that with a littl bit of work you could really take your great ideas and turn them into gold.
I wanted to comment on a few other things I've seen and if you decide you don't see a thing wrong that's just fine. I just see a lot of potential in you to just walk away without telling you why.
The biggest thing about multiples people struggle with is giving each a voice, a need, and a unique persobality. A lot of whom you've chosen are strong and defined men. They are from different backgrounds, moral codes, ages, classes, SIDES, and these things would have immediate consequences.
This isn't a bad thing but a very good thing! Internal and external conflict makes a killer story. -- but I'm not getting any of that kind of individuality from the husbands. They are behaving as a hive mind right now. Even the few who were brought back to life are just behaving as if they are attachments of Hermione.
Once again, I only wrote this review because I feel like you have talent but it just needs some more polishing.